How I Learned to Practice Self-Awareness
Noticing my own body and movements help me to learn anything in no-time, with almost zero effort. Reading the book 'The Inner Game of Tennis' did the trick for me. Here I share my experiences.
Photo: this is the season of breathtaking sunsets in La Herradura
Some weeks ago, on a Thursday night, there were some men coming over at my house. After a week full of turbulence, this was a time to gather together and settle the moods. People completely losing it, the situation in Israel and Palestina, and a flu wave through town had disturbed the overall vibe. I joined when I returned from a late evening walk, enjoying the magnificent sunset in La Herradura. One of the guys shared about his photography projects. His observation was that as a photographer he’s the ‘weirdo’ between a group of painters. We decided to change this to him standing out as a photographer in a group full of painters. It’s easy to self-project when everyone around you does something else. At the same time it takes all the fun away. There’s no problem with standing out, it underlines your uniqueness.
We talked about various topics, from the co-living house to activities within the local community. One the most interesting topics was awareness. It came up spontaneously, when we shared experiences about meditation. Every now and then it happens that someone pulls something out of me that I didn’t know was there. It requires me to go deep, while still keeping it practical by using language that’s easily understood. I had an experience like this with Charley, who asked me about the meaning of life. A similar situation occurred on this Thursday evening. Which lead me to share about reading the book The Inner Game of Tennis by Timothy Gallwey.
Learning the Difference Between Controlling and Noticing Movements
It changed my life completely and still does every day. In the book Gallwey describes his experiences as a tennis coach. He shares his transformation as a tennis coach and the way he coaches his players. First, by coaching his pupils in a controlling way, by correcting their mistakes over and over again. This is the way how it is taught at coaching certification programs. Follow a structure, teaching the correct techniques, manipulate body posture, etc. A complete methodology that focuses on working towards a specific outcome. Repeating the same movements over and over is the key to this way of coaching.
He noticed though, that there was no correlation between his approach, the training sessions of his pupils, and their match performance. They kept making the same mistakes over and over again. With this feedback that he received non-verbally, he tried something new. By asking one of his pupils to notice the position of his elbow when hitting a forehand (this is an example, there are many more in the book). Without judging or trying to correct something, simply noticing. To his surprise, over time his pupil started to correct his movements, by adjusting and tweaking them little by little. The movements were corrected all by themselves, similar to a young child that learns to walk. No interference needed from the coaches side, all happened in a natural way. Being there and providing a space for natural growth was enough. In no-time, his pupil made big progressions during competitive matches.
The Multiple Types of Self that Live Within Us
During our conversation, I told the guys about the multiple types of selves that Gallwey talks about in the book. The first self (self 1) is that of the ego, the voice in the head that gives non-stop suggestions to correct every ‘mistake’. That’s the example of the coach wanting to steer the behavior of his pupils, by correcting them. Although it’s very tempting to follow this voice, the progressions are very slow. The ego is only capable of processing just a little bit of information every second. Translated to the physical body, these are the voluntary movements. They are good as a warm-up, to remind the body of the movements that are coming. Also to learn the basics when you’re starting with something new. But that’s basically it, feeding the ego eventually leads to struggle, injuries, and disease.
The second self (self 2) is that of the observer, the self that notices without judgement. That’s the coach that guides without interfering, by giving nudges in the right direction. Like a father that witnesses the growth of his child, admiring every progression along the way. I’ve practiced this a lot myself, during activities that I would describe as ‘boring’. Washing dishes, cooking, clothes ironing, the stuff that needs to be done, but isn’t that interesting. By following the movements of my arms for example, or the positioning of my body. Simply being curious activates my awareness and presence in the moment. The boring activities aren’t boring anymore, and adjustments happen all by themselves. There’s a lot of progress in a short time, especially when it comes to relaxing muscles, even the smallest ones. Most amazingly, it happens with zero effort. Gallwey saw this very clearly during his training sessions.
What Gallwey experienced by playing tennis matches himself, is that there were opponents that were much better them him. And that trying to compete with them didn’t make sense, as it only lead to frustration. He concluded that he played the matches for himself and that he was his own competition. Thanking his opponents after the match from the heart for a wonderful lesson and a chance to challenge himself, even when he lost. This is explained in the end of the book, where he talks about the third self (self 3). It’s the person that is aware and present in the moment. The movements, observations, and corrections flow over into each other naturally. The person is fully in the experience, ‘experiencing’ the expression that is being birthed right here, right now. It’s having no plan, no structure, no strategy, being fully present in the now, getting the most out of every experience.
Image: cover of The Inner Game of Tennis by Timothy Gallwey
During my conversation with the guys at my house, I used this to share insights about awareness. An easy way to understand what it is and how to steer this throughout the day. Normally, I used to say that shifting into a state of awareness is ‘hard’ or ‘difficult’. That’s actually not the case at all. For me, having no plan or structure upfront makes it able to switch between the three selves that Gallwey describes. There are a lot of metaphors for this, like the Father, the Mother, and the Child. Self 1 as the Father, the thinking mind. Self 2 as the Mother, the subconscious mind. Self 3 as the Child, the unique expression in the moment. When I’ve got difficulties with being present in the moment, I start observing my physical movements. See it as returning to zero point. Leaving the thoughts for what they are. Using this as a way to activate my natural abilities and putting my body in the lead.
Applying the Wisdom of Body Awareness During 1-on-1 Coaching Sessions
Back in the summer of 2020, after reading this book, some vital changes happened for me. I had just received a message of a former football player that I coached 6 years earlier. A very talented boy, originally from Haiti, adopted by a dutch couple. He had the ambition to make his debut for the first squad, and ask me if I could be his personal coach. One day before that I had made the decision that I wanted to do 1-on-1 coaching, instead of in a team environment. I had done this for 16 years and felt it was time for something new. I received his invitation with open arms.
We started doing 1-on-1 sessions once every week. With The Inner Game of Tennis in mind, I went to the sessions without a plan. I moved all my 16 years of coaching experience aside, together with my official UEFA II coaching license. All that I focused on, was making him aware of his own talent and body. Each session I put up 4 or 5 exercises that popped up when driving to the training pitch. The exercises had non-linear repetitions, every repetition being a unique one. Simply by using (numbered & colored) cones and goals to run or dribble toward, with me coaching which way to go. All the boy had to do was execute to his highest potential, while noticing an aspect of his game.
Note: reaching your highest potential can be a bit deceiving. As it’s tempting to think that it means to form the perfect environment and work from there. While there are aspects that are outside of your control. Trying to manipulate this in any way is a waste of time, energy, and attention. For me, highest potential is getting the most out of yourself despite the circumstances. A day when you’ve got 100% of energy feels different than when you’ve got 80% available. In both cases you can get the most out of the circumstances, that’s your highest potential in the moment.
A clear example I remember was him turning directions. At the start, turning to the right he did in a split second, following him was almost impossible. He only needed one step to turn 180 degrees, a lot of times he already took a shot on goal after I had switched direction. Turning to the left was a different story though, this took him extra steps in between. Without interfering and only asking for feedback every now and then, his progress was incredible. All I had to do was play the ball just outside of his comfort zone, where he was able to maintain speed and his technical execution. After the third session, we looked back at the weeks before, and noticed the improved efficiency in his turns to the left. For him specifically it meant that he made a little jump when switching directions, turning his whole body by lifting both his feet off the ground.
Note: we all have are preference to turn the left or right, it’s fun to find out for yourself. There’s a connection with your dominant eye, either the left or right eye that takes the lead. It also indicates what comes easier for you during all day tasks. Having a PC or laptop on your left side or right side, driving in the left lane or right lane on the highway, and what position to take when having a conversation. Try it out for yourself, and see what comes up!
Surrendering to What Comes Up in the Moment
Back in 2015 and 2016, I joined classes about body mechanics, out of interest for individual mobility. The teacher had formed his own model, by observing movement patterns among large groups of athletes. Subtle differences between how athletes place their feet, their overall body posture, the relations between muscle groups, how they change direction, and other preferences is what he spotted. He became a friend of mine, and we started to work together. The knowledge that I learned from him I used during my sessions. Before in a group setting at the teams that I coached, and now in 1-on-1 sessions as well. All with the idea in mind to let the player discover his own preferences.
Note: a lot of times I’ve heard people complain about their basic mobility, or the mobility of their children. Having difficulties with executing physical movements is often a burden or excuse that keeps children and adults from going out, exercising, playing, and participating in sports activities. What I’ve learned as a football coach, is that even players with the weakest mobility are able to make big progress in short time. From not being able to kick a ball, to shooting with power and accuracy in just a few sessions.
Fast forward to the end of October 2023, where I’m at the birthday party of one of the guys I had the conversation with about awareness. There I met someone else that I knew from playing football myself on Thursday’s (since late September I’ve joined the local men in town to play football on Thursday night, first time since 2021). He asked me what I did before back in The Netherlands. When I shared about my coaching experiences, he responded that he was a coach in his country as well. Also that he’s looking for someone to coach his son individually. He asked me if I’m available. Half a week later he joins one of my Language Cafe sessions, to learn Spanish (every Wednesday I host a English – Spanish interchange at my house, a fun and interactive way to practice both languages). There we decided to start a football practice group. Two days after that, we had our first session, where 10 kids showed up.
Photo: a small football pitch 2 minutes from my house, ideal for football practice
One day before, I talked with the guy who celebrated his birthday about the same topic. When he heard about my experience as a coach, he instantly replied with “Why didn’t you tell me this before, the whole town is looking for a football coach!” Two days later I had a first session with his twin sons. My aim during both sessions was easy: let the kids experience their own movements, techniques, and capabilities. Coming from ‘Self 2’ instead of ‘Self 1’. Most of the time they don’t know yet what they’re capable of, which can lead to a feeling of ‘not being good enough’. Being able to do something about it can become a challenge. This approach gets the negative tension out and brings positive tension in.
Note: turning the attention to yourself, without judgment, makes you your own competition. The practice itself becomes more important than the outcome. That includes match performances, competition, and playing in a team environment. Letting go of all former ideas and reference points is the first step. Although this might sound like a giant step, it’s actually the easiest one. Start doing something new and make it possible to reach. The old reference points no longer count and new ones come in their place. You’re practicing from a place of self-confidence, self-love, and self-commitment.
I never expected this to happen, becoming a football coach for the local community. It’s one of many experiences I’ve had over the last months. At the end of summer the topic popped up when the cleaning lady at my house introduced it. It’s amazing how things fall into place when you’re genuinely interested. During summer, someone reminded me of reading The Surrender Experiment, a book I had read twice already. Her story stood out in self-courage and fearlessness, while she made it sound like it was totally obvious. I took the hint and read it again, concluding that my experiences feel a lot like what the author describes. The more I let go of everything, by noticing my body, my posture, my movements, the more aware and present I become. Surrendering to what the moment brings, it gets the best out of me. And I love it.
How you can practice self-awareness:
Take any physical activity that’s easy to execute, like washing dishes, cooking, or going for a walk. Start by noticing your movements, your breath, or the feeling in your body. Just pick one element, like a part of the body, an organ, or a muscle group. When thoughts come up, let them go, they’re not important (unless some revelation comes through for you!). Remind yourself to return to noticing yourself every now and then, your body and breath adjust itself accordingly.
When you’re practicing something new that requires a skill, like your mobility or coordination, do what’s within reach first. This can even be walking, when you experience difficulties with this, or when disabilities come up. Your body knows exactly what to do, and is able to guide you through the process. Notice the positioning of your feet, your hips, your shoulders, your knee angle, your range of motion, etc. At the beginning it may look clumsy and bring a lot of ‘mistakes’. That’s your body giving you a message that it’s re-calibrating, your central nervous system is doing the work, especially when you feel vibrations.
The more you’re coming from ‘Self 2’, a state of observing or witnessing yourself, the less you need to ‘try’. Instead of learning something new, see this as activating your cellular memory. Everything you need already lives inside you, you only need to remember yourself. Activating your memory can come by doing something yourself, through mimicking someone else, or by participating in a class. Remind yourself that what you want you already can, executing your own unique movement patterns is what’s most important.
By becoming aware of yourself during practical activities, you learn to awaken your own unique movement patterns. While there may be similarities with other people, your way of moving yourself remains unique. Learning through repetition focuses on doing the same thing over and over again. Instead of this, know that you’re already doing these repetitions (washing dishes, cooking, walking, etc.). The ‘training’ or ‘learning’ is only the first minutes of a new activity, where you center yourself through noticing. This activates your unique movement patterns, that are stored in your cellular memory. Doing this rewires your brain over and over again, through tiny adjustments that become visible over longer time.
You can apply this wisdom with any task or activity. During work or while interacting with others. It’s easy to apply and results come instantly, there’s nothing special you need to do. Practicing self-awareness makes learning a whole new experience. The experience itself becomes more important than the outcome.
I learn a lot through feedback and interaction. I’ve learned that this helps me to remember myself and my own natural abilities. If my sharing’s have helped you, I’d love to know! Share your experiences by leaving a comment or sending me a direct message. I appreciate you being here.